Next to Nothing Clark Handlebar Chapter Six Ms. Molinoso and I reached the room first. As soon as we walked out of the bar Roy somehow enticed Olivia to chase him around the escalators. I’m sure it wasn’t hard, but I knew why he did it. He wanted to get me and Ms. Molinoso alone. Somehow I wasn’t drunk enough to make a move on my best friends booty call while my girlfriend was running around in the lobby. We ended up just drinking and talking for a few minutes before I went out to check on Roy and Olivia. As I opened the hotel room door, they came up the hallway, Olivia on Roy’s back again. They entered the room and he dropped her onto the bed. I handed him a beer and he sat next to Ms. Molinoso in a chair by the table. Olivia sat up and took my beer out of my hand as I sat next to her on the bed.   “What’s going on, yeah?” Roy asked. “Shit. The usual,” I answered. Roy laughed for seemingly no reason. “What have you two been up?” suspicion and amusement in his voice. “Nothing, you goofy bastard,” I answered. “I’ve got to take a leak.” “Suuure…” he said. I got up and went to the bathroom. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and did a double take. I looked tired. Worn out. What in the hell was I doing with myself? It all seemed so damned simple when I decided to leave. I was supposed to be starting a new life and here I was drunk again. The unbreakable god damned cycle was breaking me and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it. “Fuck it,” I thought. “What difference does it make?” When I opened the door Ms. Molinoso was standing there. I couldn’t see what was going on in the room because of the position of the bathroom. You were facing the closet when you opened the door and you would have to go to your left to see the rest of the room. I opened the door and I was facing Ms. Molinoso.   “Hey,” I said. “Hey,” she said. I could hear Olivia laughing in the room. Roy was entertaining her somehow. Ms. Molinoso squeezed by me into the door way. I put my hand on her hips and smirked. We paused briefly standing sideways in the door way facing each other. She had one hand on my upper arm and the other on my chest. I thought about it. I really did, but I knew that if I started I wouldn’t want to stop and I would have to. It was just too damned risky. I wasn’t sure if Olivia would freak the hell out or if she would go along with it. I figured the it wouldn’t have been the latter and I was too chicken shit to find out.   Ms. Molinoso pressed against me and despite the copious amounts of booze I had consumed, I instantly got hard. I broke eye contact and pushed passed her.   After I squeezed by her she stood for a moment in the bathroom staring at me. I looked back and before I pulled the door shut, I gave her half a shrug. By the time I walked back over to the bed I still had half a chubster. I sat down on the far end of the bed. Roy and Olivia where engaged in that game where you lay your hands out in front of you and the other person tries to smack them. They seemed to be having fun. I was a bit tired and annoyed at how drunk I wasn’t. I must have had too much on my mind because I couldn’t quite get over the hump. I was entirely too coherent and it was a drag.   I was thinking about the way things are in New Jersey. The Jersey life cycle as it were. Everybody my age was married. Some had kids. The ones who weren’t were either dead or in jail or on their way to one or the other. It seemed like such shit to me. Get married at twenty-five. Buy a house. Have a kid or two. Work at the same job for 30 years. Retire. Die. I got away from that early on. I just wanted to do something else. Something great. So there I was. Twenty-nine years old. I was going to go back to California and try once again at a life I had failed miserably to achieve twice before. I used to always say that I could never fail, because I would always keep trying until the day that I died. Fucking stupid thing to say looking back now. I fail all the time. Everyday. Chances are, I’m failing right now.   Not much happened after that. We drank. At some point Roy decided to come up behind me and put a choke hold on me. I warned him several times to let go, but he refused. So I judo flipped him over my shoulder and onto the floor. Something I didn’t even know that I could do. He was mad at me for a little while because of that. He climbed into the bed muttering something along the lines of “friends for 18 years and that’s how it is, huh? I see how it is.” It didn’t help that I kept calling him pancake and flapjack while I was apologizing.   “Come on, flap jack,” I would say. “I didn’t mean to do it. Don’t be mad pancake.” And so on and so forth.   He got over it after a small while and we resumed drinking. Ms. Molinoso had work the next morning and despite my efforts to convince her to call out and crash with us in the hotel, she left. Roy decided at this point to call out of work dead (as I mentioned earlier).   “Check this shit out,” he said as he grabbed the phone. “Who the fuck are you calling?” I asked him. Just then he began talking into the phone. “Hello Mr. So and so. This is Roy. I was hit by a bus and killed tonight so I won’t be making it into work tomorrow. Thank you and have a great day.” “You’re out of your stupid I mind,” I told him.   He just laughed and eventually passed out on the floor. Olivia and I went to bed. We fucked for a little while. Despite the fact that I didn’t feel very drunk, I was somehow entirely too drunk to cum. I thought about Ms. Molinoso, the Olsen twins, and even this cute southern hostess at Olivia’s job, but nothing. I gave up eventually.   “What’s wrong?” She asked. “Nothing,” I answered. “Too many drinks probably.” I kissed her goodnight and rolled over and passed out. The next morning I woke up with a terrible hang-over. Roy was snoring on the floor. Olivia was trying to cuddle with me and I wanted nothing more than to die just right then and there. Fortunately for you, dear reader, my wish was not granted. There was a knock on the door. I ignored it, but it was persistent. Roy screamed, “Go away you fucking bastards!” right about the time Olivia jumped up and answered the door.   It was room service. Christ! I didn’t order any fucking room service. Or did I? No. It was Olivia. She later explained that she thought it would be nice to have breakfast in bed. Real romantical and such. It didn’t quite pan out that way. First off, I was too sick to eat. Secondly, Roy was there. I took the bacon and gave the rest of the food to him.   The real bitch of the breakfast was the cost. Two continental breakfasts and a pot of coffee for $40. How could they get away with such highway robbery? I decided I might as well have a drink. I called down to room service and to my absolute horror and disbelief, I found out that they didn’t serve alcohol until 2pm.   “Fuck me!” I thought. What the hell was I going to do now? It was 9 am and I was thoroughly unamused. I lied back down and covered my head with the blankets while Roy and Olivia ate the stupid god damned breakfast. I knew that sooner or later I would have to get up and drive back into Carteret to meet up with Dan. It was Friday. Dan and his roommate Kevin were having a party that night. The theme was “90’s Grunge”. Attendies were supposed to wear flannels and Nirvana T-shirts and such. I didn’t own such apparel. None the less I was going to attend. If for nothing else, just to see some people that I hadn’t seen in a while. The rest of the morning was too hellish to remember or recount. After Roy left it was all of talking and cuddling and all sorts of horrible things. By the time 2 hit I was exhausted and plagued by my unability to cope. The DTs were setting in and I was full of dread and discomfort. I was pale and shakey and generally ungood. When Olivia got in the shower I shoved some pants on and went to the bar.   I orderd a vodka soda. Kettle One and soda with a lime to be exact. When I raised the drink to my lips, my hands were shaking so badly that the glass rattled against my bottom teeth. It was at this point that I decided my next round would be shots of whiskey and beer. No point in beating around the shitty bush. I needed to drink big if I was going to get a nap in before the party.   I stayed there for a probably 30 minutes or so. During which time I had 6 shots of Jameson and three beers. I felt good enough to head back. When I got back to the room Olivia wanted to go out to eat. I wanted to stay in and die. She felt as if she were on some sort of vacation. I had to explain to her that we were in North Jersey and nobody vacations in North Jersey.   She agreed on room service. I couldn’t tell you what she ordered. I lied back on the bed and passed effortlessly into sleep. When I awoke it was nearly 6. More than enough time to shower, shave and drive to the party.   Olivia seemed a bit annoyed with me, but not annoyed enough to start a fight so I suppose I lucked out there. Around 7 or so, we made our way to the party.   It was quite tame and uneventful. Mostly a bunch of people that I knew from playing in a band and going to shows when I was a teenager hanging around smoking weed and drinking. Kev had gathered up a bunch of grunge music and for the most part it was interesting. I drank and bullshitted with folks and eventually Olivia and I made our way back to the hotel.   Olivia was going to be leaving he next day and I would be getting picked up by an airport shuttle on Sunday morning.   We spent Saturday morning in bed. We didn’t talk much about me leaving. We had breakfast, made plans to meet Roy and Jeff at Biddings and have a few beers. Olivia was going to drive straight from there at about 7pm. She was scheduled to open at work on Sunday and wanted to home home by midnight.   Not a lot happened that afternoon. We talked and drank and eventually Jeff took off to band rehearsal. When it was time to go, Olivia and Roy hugged and She and I headed out to the car. We sat there for a while. I held her. We kissed a little, said our good byes and then she drove off. I imagined that that must have been one of the loneliest drives anyone has ever made. I thought about my brother shipping out to Iraq from Fort Drum and his wife making the lone drive back to New Jersey. I thought about flying back from Germany alone and leaving Jeevany behind some three years earlier. I thought about everyone who has ever had to leave someone without knowing for sure if they would ever see them again. Is it fucking tragic? Sure. Painful? Yep. But it’s life. And in this life I’ve had enough to feel bad about. Enough tragedy and pain to relive. The world keeps turning. My brother is home safe and sound. Jeevany is married with child. Everyone has seen someone again. Let sweet Olivia cry. She was going to be just fine. I was going back inside to finish drinking with Roy.